Hopeful Thinking

One of my favorite movie scenes is a short bit in the 1958 film “Auntie Mame” when Mame Dennis, played by Rosalind Russell, is working as a temp phone operator for the law firm of Widdecombe, Gutterman, Applewhite, Bibberman and Black. A tongue-twister, to be sure, for any receptionist. She makes a mess of it, of course. Hilarity ensues, 1950’s style. But the intention of that kind of job is to make connections between one side of a conversation and another so that communication occurs. A synthesis of two ideas merges to become one, continuous, multidimensional thought. That’s what happens when a connection is made in our brains as well. Two near but separate regions become connected over a single idea. As a result, a physical, literal piece of tiny human tissue, visible only with an advanced microscope, forms in the brain. Like a phone operator taking a wire from one side of a switchboard and plugging it into the other. Connection complete. These threads are tenuous at fir...

It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s for the serious. But also, not. It’s for the questioning. And the doubting. As well, it truly is for those who feel comfortable hovering only around the edges, and listening. For the record, this is an attempt at persuading you to consider yourself in spiritual community with others. That can take many forms. But it is not solitary. Church is a group activity. Some may feel that walking in the woods is their “church.“ And to include trees in your personal “congregation” is a kind and compassionate thought. But it is not church. Church is human, exclusively. The word “church” comes from the Greek ecclesia, whose original use meant literally “to call out.” The word eventually became a term meaning “a gathering of people.” Combined, in my view, it means a gathering of people who call out. Toward what, is the question. That part is an individual choice. Before we proceed any further, allow me to clarify that I use the word church broadly he...

What is the ideal way to cope with grief? We typically do and say all sorts of things when we grieve which are out of character for us typically. We might pick fights we don’t mean to, take actions which are not in our best interest, or end up alienating those whom we need most. Then there are those who withdraw entirely. Refusing to speak about or even think of the source of their grief. They shut down and function at bare minimum. Closing out others and, ultimately, only prolonging their suffering.  So much advice in our society refers to the notion of taking a protective stance when dealing with unpleasantness, “negative energies,“ etc. We feel that we can’t deal with the emotions of grief so we attempt to shut them down or build walls to protect ourselves from them. Yet protection from grief is both impossible and futile.  What we seek is peace. We think that what we want is to have things return to the way they were before, even while knowing it’s impossible to...

What’s wrong with faith? Actually, nothing. And it makes you live longer. So why not? The fact is, nearly all of us believe in things we can’t see. And, believe it or not, what we believe about the unseen contributes greatly to our state of mind. Most of us believe in some version of a “higher power,“ but many, such as myself, cannot, or choose not, to speculate on what that power might be. That’s fine. That’s agnosticism. In my way of thinking, agnosticism is the most humble form of belief in a higher power. We don’t need to conclude the nature of the Creative Source in order to exhibit some degree of faith that It exists, in whatever form It takes. It is as It is. To make note of it here, I do not gender God when describing It. I refer to God as the capital-I It. This is an attempt at humility. How can I know what form God takes? How could I ascribe the wonderful and beautiful and even the sometimes negative attributes of either the male or female gender to Something so much larger...

Who are we, really? As a species, I mean? What is genuinely natural to us? And what is learned? And what about us decides whether or not what we’ve learned is something we should apply?  While not all in the world are Christian, obviously, Christianity has a way of speaking quite loudly at this time of year. Especially in the west. Aided by the vast amounts of commercialism applicable to the celebration of the season, Christmas has taken on a level of prominence in our society that far exceeds its religious expression or its religious community. Everyone, it seems, is subject to the exposure of ideas about Christmas, like it or not.  Some limit their holiday time to general ideas about goodness, Santa Claus, gift-giving, mirth, and recognitions of the return of the light as the days begin to get longer. And that has great value. But there is a story in Christmas; even a story behind the story.  The man we now refer to as Jesus was not born 2,019 years ago last...

What does the word grace mean to you? It might conjure thoughts of something graceful, like a ballet dancer. Or it might be the prayer ritual of giving thanks before a meal. Perhaps it could be that your first thought about grace is a specifically religious one. In some faith systems, grace refers only to the receipt of eternal salvation granted solely by God upon a person’s declaration of a specific belief. Say you believe and free grace is yours. But this definition strays from the word’s origins and ignores the power we each of us has to bestow it ourselves. There is more, however, to the word grace. But in all cases, including those mentioned above, grace is joyful, happy, free and pleasurable. The Latin origin is gratus, meaning pleasing, thankful and it is conceptually related to kindness. When something is given to us for free it is sometimes referred to as being gratis, or free of charge. Gratis in Latin means ‘as a kindness.’ None of those word origins speak direct...

Patience is an interesting practice. Of course, it takes practice. But it also takes patience with oneself while practicing it. The irony is evident. But patience is, in reality, a practice of nonresistance and forgiveness, even hospitality. Because, when we think about who and what frustrates us, we have to acknowledge it’s typically because, right or wrong, our expectations are not being met. The practice being recommended here is not so much about altering our expectations, as reframing them. Long before I met him, my husband Jamie used to suffer from low-grade road rage. He wouldn’t get out of the car and punch someone’s windshield, but he’d scream and yell (and likely gesticulate colorfully through the window) whenever someone would demonstrate less-than-stellar driver courtesy. A thought was suggested to him that when these moments occur he think of himself in the guise of the old Imperial margarine campaign, trumpet fanfare calling as a crown magically appears on his...