This is a big one. It hits us below the belt, forgiveness. It feels like giving in, sometimes even like losing. We preach forgiveness because we don’t know how to practice it. If a smoker tells you not to smoke, are they still right?
We don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the mechanics of forgiveness. How does it function? How is it achieved? What is its purpose? Is it a goal, or a state of being? Why are we taught about it?
Much of western spiritual practice hinges around the idea of forgiveness, of letting go, being at peace. We think the act is limited to forgiving other people for things they have done to us or our loved ones. If I asked you–are you a forgiving person?–your first thought would likely be of someone who has wronged you and how you responded to it. So, are you forgiving of other people? Is that all we are expected to forgive? Others? How do we learn to do that?
In Christian, Jewish and Islamic scripture we are taught that God forgives us our sins. We are also taught that God knows us deeply enough to already understand exactly why we do the things we do. It knows our hearts. Is there a line where God ends and we begin? How can that be?
We are taught to ask God for forgiveness. Is that really the end of it? We are being encouraged to participate in an act of verbally expressing our remorse and acknowledging our wrongdoing as well as its consequences. It takes practice for a civilization to learn how to acknowledge wrongdoing. Rituals assist us in developing relational practices. God says to us: Look to me first so you can develop the practice of learning how to truly see others. Learn to see others as I see them. Learn to love each other as I love you. Learn to forgive yourself as I already forgive you. Nothing you ever do could make me stop loving you.
If there is a God, is It trying to teach us how to recognize harm and heal it? Is this part of the practice of saving us from ourselves? Is this part of the practice that eventually disrupts the cycles of violence in our world? Is the real reason we are taught to ask God for Its forgiveness of our transgressions so that we can learn to forgive one another's?
Now that we’ve been surfing the cosmos, let’s come back down. How do you feel in traffic? How do you feel about your health? How do you feel about your boss? How do you feel about commercials? How do you feel about the news? How do you feel about not flossing?
These are the real classrooms of forgiveness. These are the micro-aggressions we maintain against ourselves and others and things which silently erode our sense of peace as well as our ability to transmit it. It is in the minutiae of our lives that we best understand. We are our own best parable.
Forgiveness is a life practice. It is something meant to be practiced all day, every day. Yet do not be tempted to connect it with forgetting. We are not at all being encouraged to forget. That is a lie repeated by those for whom it is much more convenient when you don't remember their wrongdoing. Forgiveness is about growth from knowledge and experience. Forgiveness is the practice of wisdom. We either forget or we forgive. There is no and.
Notice how you feel. All the time. Wonder about it. Use your imagination to reach for a higher thought. That person tailgating you might really have to pee. What happens if you pull over rather than slow down? Have you lost something or gained something? Wonder about it. What does it feel like to not get angry in the first place? From what have you just saved yourself?
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