Our human society is in the middle of a long and difficult learning process. We are facing our demons. It's excruciating. It's painful. It pits friends and loved ones against one another. Racism, sexual harassment, religious intolerance and advanced political upheaval. These are our daily realities right now. They will likely remain so for the foreseeable future.
I firmly believe that the vast majority of the world is loving, however. Am I foolish or faithful? One thing is sure. Believing in a hopeful future requires doing my part to bring it about. Especially because I am a white male. For we have painted ourselves into a corner.
The reality of our time is that white men have historically stacked the cards in their favor at the expense of others—quoting St. Darwin all the way. But if I believe so deeply that the majority of the world is loving, how do white men fit into that scheme now? If I am granted privileges disproportionate to my merits, what am I supposed to do? Especially when I can see it happening in real time. Some might say, “Keep your mouth shut and take advantage of it.”
I think they are half-right. But only half.
Humility requires us to recognize one thing if nothing else: No one will ever truly know what it's like to walk a mile in another’s shoes, no matter how much we like to quip otherwise. We cannot escape the awareness of our own feet inside them. Any progress toward real equality will recognize that first.
I can ask a thousand questions about my daughter’s blindness. I can put on a blindfold at dinner and giggle as I drop food in my lap. But I cannot forget that I know how to see. I can't forget that I have the freedom to take off my blindfold.
I have a better chance at getting a job because I'm a white male. I more often than not receive only a warning when the police pull me over. People smile at me when I walk down the street. How can I really know what it's like to experience oppression? No one is asked to solve a math problem using nothing but a definition of the word mathematics.
There exist well-intentioned but misguided social activism groups which attempt to give whites a forum to solve racism by talking about it with other whites. There are also men’s pro-feminism groups. I get it, but no. The truth is, we have no business talking. Our role now is not to speak, but to listen. We jump in foolhardy and create solutions based on our imaginings of a problem when we are really being asked to sit quietly and listen for them.
Equality is natural. It is only held at bay artificially by the actions of one group of people against another. Men unnaturally dominate women. Physical strength is irrelevant if their value to society is equal. Whites unnaturally dominate people of color. Even lighter-skinned people of color discriminate against darker tones within their own societies.
Disequilibrium must be maintained with effort. We are seeing it now more than ever in the world. The old energy is working very, very hard at keeping society from progressing toward its own natural equilibrium. Who can blame them? It spells disaster for them all. A literal Armageddon.
It's natural for loving people to want to work toward solutions, but it must be done with humility. It must be done with what Buddhism calls “the beginner's mind.” A clean slate of understanding. A vacuum of awareness. An expert’s mind is like cement.
If I wish to be a part of the solution I must do one thing: Listen. Not talk. Make no assumptions. Don't interrupt. Don't offer advice. Don’t compare stories. Just clean out the potatoes from my ears and listen. It is often said, God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason. If the problem seems too big, just listen. If you don’t understand a problem, just ask. And then just listen. The answer will come to you in its own time. In the meanwhile, look for simple opportunities in your daily life to just allow someone else’s experience to be truly heard. It will change you. That simple act alone will be the most sincere prayer for the future of humanity you’ll ever make.
Wil Darcangelo, M.Div, is the Spiritual Coordinator at First Parish UU Church of Fitchburg, where he speaks on 1st and 3rd Sundays, and the founding director of the Tribe Mentorship Project. Email wildarcangelo@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @wildarcangelo.
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