Hopeful Thinking - Saturday, June 1, 2019 - To Be Co-Observant

I knew a person once who always seemed to have something hanging off the end of his nose. It was very difficult to have a conversation with him. You’re not sure what to do, because you know it will embarrass him to point it out. Yet you also know it might quietly humiliate him to discover it later thinking back on all who must have seen it.

What are the actions of a friend? I’ve always said that a friend will discreetly tell you when you have spinach in your teeth, dog hair on your dress, or if your fly is at half-mast. I should have told that man about his nose. Or maybe he preferred it that way. It happened so regularly he couldn’t be unaware of it. Could he? Is he absent of any real friend who would let him know?

I imagine deep within a single living cell there exists a vast community of little components which comprise the whole. They each have a function. How do they collaborate with one another for the survival—and evolution—of their cell? What do they each do when faced with adversity? What is their job when not all is optimal? Do they notice one another?

A cell either dies or mutates when faced with adversity. If it survives, it often mutates to its advantage. What makes that happen? How does evolution occur? What does a cell have to notice about itself and its environment in order to evolve?

One could argue that the interior of a cell is not only self-observant, but co-observant. The components of the cell must be observant to one another. Beyond the micro level, everything which happens inside a community during a moment of crisis is, in part, a response to what is happening among others of its kind. That’s what incrementally improves the quality of the whole. It is not a process without its grief and trial. But all change and growth comes with pain. Either as an incentive to the change we need or as a result of it. Quite often both. What does the process of change make us notice about ourselves and others?

As a human community we have a responsibility to be self-aware. To take the time to notice everything we possibly can about ourselves. Everything we feel, from our bodies to our minds. How we appear to others matters. How do you appear?

Because others will be observing you whether they mean to or not. It’s easy enough to say we don’t care what other people think, but that would be nothing more than a lie we always tell ourselves. Even a hermit desires to be thought of by others as one who wishes to be left alone. He cares very much what people think because it informs his experience of exclusivity. It’s okay to care what other people think. So long as we keep it in perspective.

It’s crucial, actually, for the evolution of our human civilization, to be deeply co-observant of one another as much as we must be observant of ourselves. The more we know about ourselves and others, the more we can’t help recognizing how truly interdependent we are. The more we understand how life makes us feel, the more deeply we are able to place our feet into the shoes of another person. That kind of society is a cell which does not die, but mutates to its advantage when faced with adversity.

But again it comes back to our awareness of self. Because we are powerless to understand the experience of others without first attempting to understand our own. In addition to what’s going on in our bodies and minds, we must also understand our own belief systems. Because we all have one. And what we believe impacts every action we take and feeling we have. What is your “faith?” What do you believe? Even if it’s a negative view of the world, be aware of it. Notice it. Notice how it feels. Think about where it came from. Wonder how your feelings propel you to act in the world. Now imagine your enemy feeling the same. Have compassion.

One thing humans have over single cell structures is an ability to be proactive. Or perhaps I could be wrong. All life tends to be a fractal of itself. Perhaps the same proactivity occurs on the cellular level which occurs on the societal level. I hope so. I expect so.

In any regard, our ability to be proactive, to observe, to anticipate what might be coming next and work as a group toward a solution, is how we best evolve. That we know we often should keep a tissue in our pocket for the unfortunate occasions when something is hanging off of our own nose helps us remember to be observant of and most importantly, responsive to, the nose-dangles of others. It snot rocket science.