Hopeful Thinking - Saturday, May 6, 2023 - Trusting the Feared

I have always maintained a philosophy that it’s better to trust people and risk betrayal, than it is to assume betrayal and risk trust. 

In the course of my life, my adventurous sensibility, now somewhat dampened as I’ve gotten older, has lead me into many, many situations that would typically be deemed dangerous. Yet I invariably felt safe.

I have definitely hobnobbed with criminals, taken risks with people who might not necessarily have had my best interests in mind, taken candy from strangers, and let people suffering from addiction sleep in my home. 

It’s true there have been two or three occasions over the years where my trust was misplaced. I once had to replace an apartment full of electronics, and another houseguest once required an unceremonious dumping in the driveway for stealing. There may have been one or two others I’m not remembering. Because I don’t really dwell on them.

What I tend to dwell on, is the fact that on so many occasions, people who were decidedly untrustworthy elsewhere, proved to be trustworthy for me. 

I’m not sure which came first in this regard, the chicken or the egg, but I credit a lot of my trusting of others to one of my favorite literary characters, Bishop Myriel in the Victor Hugo tale, Les Miserables.

It’s possible I was always this way, and that the character of the Bishop merely reinforced an clearer understanding of my own character. But in the story, the character Jean Valjean steals from the Bishop after he bestows Valjean with hospitality. 

The Bishop knew that Valjean was a convict. But invited him in anyway. He treated him with dignity, kindness, and compassion, as his faith rightfully directed him. 

Valjean returned the favor by stealing from him, and escaping into the night, only to be returned later by the police for confirmation of the theft. 

The Bishop replied that he had not only given him all that was claimed to be stolen, but that Valjean had forgotten the best pieces in his haste to depart. To save Valjean’s soul, the bishop lied to the police, and gave him even more. He told him to make a good life for himself, and become an honorable man. Which, for anyone who’s read the story, or seen the musical based upon it, will know that’s exactly what occurred.

I have written of this exchange before because it is a cornerstone of my faith expression. Trust. Especially in those whom society has deemed untrustworthy. Compassion and support for those who may or may not return the same. Believing in someone who likely does not believe very highly in themselves.

This kind of trust is a disruption of the very best kind. It’s the kind of disruption that breaks cycles of crime that have otherwise become entrenched in someone’s behavior and lifestyle. It is a new item added to the list of options one now has for their life.

Does it always work? Definitely not. Sometimes when I have trusted criminals, they have only been henceforth trustworthy to me, but not the rest of society. I have become an exception in their lives; someone whose trust they would never betray. Even while remaining utterly untrustworthy elsewhere.

I am satisfied by this, despite my concern for how their actions might affect others in the future. I am satisfied by it, because I have ever so slightly altered the narrative in their head which claims that the only safe route for survival is to trust no one, because no one is trustworthy. And that no one will trust you in return. I have proven that inner narrative wrong. I believe there to be a ripple effect in that.

I have taken the risk of the Bishop that my trust in them will not be ultimately misplaced. And that, over whatever gestation period required, a change will grow within them. 

Helen Keller said that security is an illusion. And she was correct. There is nothing which keeps us safe other than the overall decency of humanity. No lock on any door will keep out someone who truly wishes to get in. As is often said, locks are for honest people.

So a heightened sense of security is not what will ultimately protect us. Only relationship will. Only trust in those who have never experienced trust before will change the state of our world.

It is no guarantee that trust will be returned. In fact, you’re almost certainly guaranteed to experience something negative in the course of it at some point. But the world will be better off for your having tried. And since we are not perfectly safe to begin with, the better course of action is to love.