Hopeful Thinking

    I started to see a pattern some years ago. I noticed in various instances that when I made a clear decision about something, a result would be more clearly realized.     Back in the mid 90’s while I was living in Toronto I made a decision. I don’t know what prompted me to think of it in terms of a decision rather than a wish, but that’s how I framed it in my mind. I was making a decision as a form of prayer, though I didn’t recognize it as such at the time. I decided I was going to stop housekeeping and begin earning my living as an actor full time, by my July birthday, which was still several months away. So that was the decision. I was going to be a working actor by my birthday.      Then, in the meantime, I continued working as a housekeeper as an undocumented immigrant living in Canada. My hope was that if I could get a union contract for a show that was really motivated to hire me despite my being an Ame...

Think for a moment about what it’s like to stand facing forward in the aisle of a speeding train. You’re moving but you’re not moving. Even small steps forward feel like an enormous leap of speed. Now, in your imagination turn around. What is the sensation like now? What does taking a step “forward” feel like? It sort of feels like it’s moving back but it’s actually going forward anyway. Just not as fast as the others, even those who are only standing still. Your brain and heart perceive the backward forwardness and strain to accommodate them both. This is the co-equal state of our global human society right this minute. We are all on this train. It moves at what seems to be an increasing speed. We all feel it. We each react differently based on which direction we are comfortable facing. There is reason to believe that this train is moving in a positive direction. Looking at the overall zigzagging progress of known human history, we have only ever improved upon ourselves. Desp...

    I get it, believe me. Revenge is so sweet. There’s something about vengeance and retribution that really satisfies us in a way that seems even larger than the event which started it. I’ve taken vengeance myself. Sometimes I’ve even regretted it.      Upon the recommendation of my husband, I recently watched a YouTube video called “Package Thief vs. Glitter Bomb Trap.” In it, NASA engineer Mark Rober decided to share a liberal amount of holiday sparkle and a bit of creative aromatherapy (aka glitter bomb and fart spray) with those who chose to steal packages from his front porch. He also rigged it to video record the various thieves’ reactions. The video is nine minutes and forty seconds of retaliatory bliss. Rober’s clip provides us with one of the most satisfying forms of revenge: vicarious. Seeing someone else dishing out the just deserts on behalf of underdogs everywhere makes us feel a little less alone in our own victimizati...

    In my church every Sunday morning, after some have come forward to share their hearts and light a candle, the congregation sings a brief line written by Julian of Norwich in the 14th century. All Shall Be Well... It is a quote from the first published book ever written by a woman.     Julian of Norwich had a severe illness when she was 30 in the year 1373. On her deathbed she had a series of 16 visions of Jesus and Mary after which she completely recovered. She eventually wrote down these visions in a book called Revelations of Divine Love . In one vision in particular she asked Jesus about the reason for sin. He answered her that, “Sin is behovely, but all shall be well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well.”      The word “behovely” is the remarkable part. For the word had a relatively conceptual meaning in Julian's time over six centuries ago which no single word today manages to convey. T...

   It occurred to me recently that there’s a difference between dignity and respect. Specifically in our treatment of each other. for instance, I can treat someone with respect, and I can treat someone with dignity. They look a lot alike. From the outside no one would really notice the difference. The difference is inside you.     It is my personal memory that my father is the one who taught me about the importance and value of respect as a concept. I’m not really sure why I have this memory. I don’t remember any specific event or philosophy he shared with me on the subject. But somehow I feel as though the lesson came from him, so I will honor it.      What I learned is that respect is something very rarely given. Only slightly more so is no-respect. The vast majority of people fall into the category of a gray area on the subject. For most of the people we encounter in the world we simply do not have enough informatio...

Think for a moment about the nature of a surfboard. It is designed to be simple. It is engineered to be thrilling. It is meant to demonstrate a mastery of forces which we cannot understand. Is meant to be a letting-go. Disclaimer. I say this all without ever once having even attempted to ride a surfboard. But sometimes better theologians come from those who describe the faiths of others from an objective distance. In the end it is only the theology of the surfboard I am describing here. Perhaps one day I shall be brave enough to step aboard the actual and learn even more. My lack of first hand expertise notwithstanding (since, chances are, you lack the same), let’s picture the surfboard again. How does it differ from driftwood? Of course it does differ greatly, but as an exercise let’s list how. Driftwood is formed by the tides. It is made by the process of violence. It is a piece broken from the whole and cast into the sea. Abandoned to wander aimlessly at the whim of the tid...

        Many years ago I read a book by Helen Keller in which she describes her theology of risk. “Security is mostly a superstition,” she wrote. In an already dangerous world, her’s was even more so for being blind as well as deaf. And yet her courage shone through. She made it look easy. My own daughter Lavender is blind. Several years before she became part of our family she was a member of an afterschool music program I founded called the Tribe. One day, the kids were on a break from rehearsing by taking turns rolling down a big grassy hill out behind the music room. Lavender wanted to roll down the hill, too. It then occurred to me just how courageous one must be when they cannot see the world which threatens them. Her courage was demonstrated in the completely carefree manner she simply threw herself off the top edge of the hill, rolling at full speed into the unknown. No knowledge of how big the hill was. No knowle...

We get an extra week of the holiday season this year. Thanksgiving Day in 2018 is the earliest it can possibly be, in fact. What’s your gut reaction to that thought? Think for a moment and look back at your very first thought as you read it... So what was it? I know mine was as I wrote it. “Ugh.” Complete with eye roll. The next thought was guilt. Followed by several other quick thoughts, not all of them bad. Some were quite nice. It’s a sad season for a lot of people. Even the ones who put on a good face or manage to forget their sadness for brief periods of time when distracted by shinier things or bigger hugs. It takes an effort to get into the spirit sometimes. And then we feel guilty for letting others down for not being joyful, joyful on demand. I’d be willing to bet that it’s a very rare person who feels fully engaged, prepared, and ready to get joyous. We have a complicated relationship with holidays and the way we often choose to spend them. Stressed for one reason or a...

Maybe it’s the Internet’s fault. Perhaps it’s the unintended consequences of the Information Age. Has it made us afraid of in-person connection? Have we learned too much about our own darkness? Too late now, I guess. Well, good. Let’s get over it together. This poke-in-the-eye we call our present socio-political culture is a really tough pill. Sometimes I even have to turn off the news for a moment. That was light sarcasm, in case I was vague. Why are we so mesmerized by a train wreck? What is the psychology behind our inability to turn away? I don’t have the answer for that. But I see its effects. The fact is, we’re just plain afraid. Of each other, of ourselves, of the dark. The almighty Google has shown us how deep our pain goes. How many long generations of wounds have been inflicted upon one another? The depth of our karma is staggering. It’s no wonder we retreat now. Or, have found ourselves to be among the retreated-from. We feel as if the world has abandoned us. Ever...