Hopeful Thinking - Saturday, October 5, 2019 - Withdraw the Wind

Recently in the city of Boston, a small group of dissatisfied people held a “straight pride” parade. It was a reaction to feeling marginalized by the social progress we’ve made with regard to LGBTQ rights in this country. It was very upsetting to many people, both straight and gay alike. The anti-parade argument being, no one has ever tried to take pride away from straight people for being who they are. They have no need to publicly assert their pride of being “normal.” And, in truth, straight pride wasn’t really the point the parade organizers were trying to make. It was that everyone else should be ashamed.

There are two types of actions one can take toward situations such as these. We can either react or we can respond. To clarify, reacting is ego-driven and emotional. Reacting is often hostile. It is a satisfying burst of immediate justice toward something which has deeply upset us. Reacting is knee-jerk and passionate, often involving saying or doing something we eventually regret, or should.

Responding, however, is a mindful process. To respond to a situation, rather than react to it, is a deliberate sublimation of our emotional reactivity in favor of a more rational, goal-oriented approach. After all, what is it you really want? Don’t you want the thing you dislike to change for the better? Or would you prefer the thing you dislike to react to your reaction with more of the same?

In other words, what is it that you think will come from reacting? Do you think fighting fire with fire is actually good advice? For the record, it isn’t. We love to wave that trope around when we’re good and angry, as if the aphorism’s merit is based solely on how often it is repeated. But consider it. Have you ever seen a fire put out with more fire? I haven’t. Fighting fire with fire is an emotional reaction, not a measured response. No firefighter would ever advise it. Take that professional advice to heart when deciding how to engage with distasteful realities.

Try putting out a fire with water next time. For isn’t that the result you actually want? Water is a quenching diplomat. Isn't it your desire to rid yourself of the flames all together? So why do we keep taking the same negative, vengeful retributions and expect a positive result? That old definition of insanity...

A better way to have responded to that so-called “straight pride“ parade would have been to ignore it altogether. Don’t go. Stay home. Don’t give them any energy. They are on the wrong side of history anyway and their numbers are declining every day. That is truth. Let it go. Vote instead.

This parade is a particularly good example of an opportunity to have practiced nonresistance. Because ignoring them would not have furthered their mission. Engaging them did. They weren’t doing anything of substance anyway. It isn’t as if they were legislators proposing new laws that could harm people. They weren’t doing anything except openly stating their unloving opinion. They had no real power to bring about their desires. They were nothing but a sad reaction to human progress. Their ideas were worthy of neither our time nor energy.

Scripture teaches us to turn the other cheek when someone strikes you. It doesn’t mean you are expected to offer your other cheek for more punishment. It means to turn away from that which is wrong, not add more fuel to the fire by engaging with it.

My advice would’ve been to simply ignore them. Let their parade attendance be the worst in the history of American parades. It would’ve been far more demoralizing to their unloving cause to see them walking down the street with nobody really caring much except for those few who still think the same as they do. Instead, dozens of people were arrested, mainly protesters who supposedly want more love in the world, not less. The security detail cost taxpayers over $600,000, mostly in police overtime. All of it unnecessary. Neither side convinced anyone of anything new. It only served to reinforce each of their original positions more deeply.

When faced with conflicts of more genuine substance than that parade, it’s easy to imagine that resisting or reacting or fighting is the only way to make it go away. But you’d be wrong.

Take the wind out of their sails entirely. Don’t just blow more hot air into them. Turn your back on them, don’t engage the beast. It only makes the beast stronger. It’s baiting you into a fight on purpose. The beast knows exactly what will make it stronger: your fear.

Gandhi didn’t fight the British, Martin Luther King Jr. didn’t fight the segregationists, they each simply walked toward their destinies, unfazed.

A sail with no wind is dead at sea. A parade without crowds is just a walk down the street. Support what you love, turn your back on what you hate. It will go away faster that way. It may not seem logical, but no article of faith ever is. On the surface, anyway.