Long story short, we were driving home from our church organist's daughter's college graduation party, literally over a river and through the woods, when we happened upon a chicken just taking its first steps in the process of crossing the road.
I couldn’t help myself. I slowed down considerably, of course, but I also lowered the window, and asked the chicken why it was crossing the road. The chicken gave no discernible reply. Yes, it was a bit silly.
Here’s the strange thought that followed: I was kind of proud of myself for having thought to ask, in spite of the absurdity. In all seriousness, it made me wonder how often do we ask people about what it’s like to be them?
I could of course infer on my own the motivations for the chicken’s willingness to traverse the dangerous pavement with nothing but a driver’s attention between itself and a car tire.
But my guess would be that my imagination cannot really tell me what it’s like to be a chicken. Drawing an inference would be just me making an assumption about the emotional experience of poultryhood. I can’t contend that it would be a useful way of imagining it. At least not in a way that would help me genuinely understand the chicken.
Even though the chicken couldn’t answer me, the relevance of the question remains. Because the answer to why a chicken might cross the road is to be most sincerely found in asking what it’s like to be them.
Which immediately made me think of just how rare it is that any of us take the time to ask others, especially others who might irritate or frustrate or even anger us, what it’s like to be them?
So, what’s it like to be you?
I know you’re not a chicken crossing the road, exactly, but what is it like to be you? I mean really. If you had to describe in no fewer than ten sentences, what is it like to be you, what would you say?
What’s it like to have to make the decisions you make? What’s it like to feel bad about making a mistake, or to win a board game? What is it like to do your job? To take care of your family?
Do you wake up in the morning comfortable or uncomfortable? Looking forward to the day or dreading it? What’s it like?
Even though I may not personally hear the answers you might give, you should know them. You should know the answer to the question: How does your life make you feel?
What if you were to find out the answer to that same question about one of your coworkers who drives you crazy? What if you were to find out that it’s so much more complicated to be them than you realized?
What if you found out that their life was filled with tragedy, or trauma? Even though that doesn’t excuse bad behavior, are you capable of empathizing with them? And if you are, does that make the burden on your heart over them lighter or heavier?
In my experience, any time I happen to really find out what makes a person tick, I am often far less surprised about their actions. I also find that it makes me approach them differently, which invariably makes them respond to me differently as well.
And that is the really the lesson here. Take the time to ask the chicken why it’s crossing the road. Because the answer might not only surprise you, it just might make you feel better as well.
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